Triggers

When we lose something life forces us to move on. However life also leaves us with triggers. Things that remind us of the person we lost. When my Pappy passed away it was older men with baseball caps. I would see one and they would remind me of my Pappy. Even after years passed, I would still be reminded of Pappy by that trigger. There are others too however that's the major one.

For David anything baby reminds me of him. Even seeing babies make me tear up. But there's one particular trigger that really gets me going. That trigger is oranges. I never paid much attention to oranges before David was born. But now whenever I smell them I start to tear up.
The reason for this trigger is from December 18. That night is the night we lost David. As soon as they placed him in my arms I smelled a strong odor of oranges. It was beautiful to me. That destinct smell hit me right between the eyes. Me and my family held him for hours. Later on in the night the nurse came in and asked me if I wanted to give David a bath. She said she likes to give parents the option of doing things with their baby that they never did or would get to do. That included giving David a bath. But I said no, he smelled like oranges, and I wanted to keep it that way. To remember him with that smell. She said she liked that kind of thinking and left us to hold him some more.

My husband eats alot of oranges. More than he used to. I asked him once if it was because of David's smell. he said no, but I think he might eat them for that reason subconciously.

Now if anyone asks me what my favorite smell is I say oranges.

pregnant with David at 25 weeks