Stubbornness can be inherited

Stubbornness is a trait (hmmm is that the right word?) that seems to run in my family. I believe it runs on my mom's side of the family, sorry mom!

To understand this stubbornness that runs in my family we have to start with my Mamaw. I would say she is probably one of the most stubborn women I have ever met. If she didn't want to do something, she didn't do it. If she didn't agree with you, her opinions were rarely ever changed. I do not think I really understood how stubborn my Mamaw was until I was a teenager. After my Pappy had passed away, my Mamaw stooped into what I can only describe as depression. I mean who wouldn't? and that's when I noticed how stubborn she really was. There were a few times where she refused to come to Christmas or Thanksgiving. Many times where she refused to see anyone's, mostly my mom's points of views. I saw how much that hurt my mom. My Mamaw relaxed a little more right before she had her stroke. However she's still stubborn, even with the physical disabilities she's left with because of her stroke. Her stubbornness still goes strong.

But the stubbornness doesn't stop at her. My mom has a bit of it in her, so do my brothers. I hate to admit it but so do I. If I honestly don't want to do something, I won't do it. Or I'll drag my feet the whole way, while doing it. Here is an example, when I was probably about 9 or 10 our family was playing a game, charades, a game which I hate by the way. It was my turn to act something out. I didn't want to, so I flat out refused to. This refusal turned into a big ordeal and finally my mom, who is also stubborn, said fine, you're not playing anymore. It's a funny memory now, but that is how our family's stubbornness coincides with one another.

I have two brothers. Both are stubborn in their own ways. My younger brother is stubborn when it comes to what he believes and his opinions. If you don't agree with him, it upsets him. My older brother is stubborn when it comes to listening to anyone else's opinions. But that's ok, because this trait makes them who they are.

It seems as though this baby I am carrying also possesses this same trait! Two days ago we went for my 19 week ultrasound. My mom went with me and we were both excited to know what the gender is. However after the tech did all her measurements and took forever to tell us anything (baby is completely healthy!) she informed us that although this baby is completely active and wouldn't stop moving, something she/he gets from my husband, this baby was sitting cross-legged Indian style (which I do all the time) and refused to let us see the gender. So unfortunately we didn't get to see what I am carrying, which is driving me nuts! It was a combination of my baby's stubbornness and the fact that we had a very mediocre not very good ultrasound tech. But I have come to terms with the fact that I may not get to know and will have to plan a gender neutral nursery.

I am just thankful this baby is healthy and has all his/her fingers and toes!

I personally think Ultrasound pics look creepy. But I do believe I have an adorable baby!

This is not a profile picture, unfortunately tech didn't give us one, this is my stubborn baby facing my spine (so no face in this pic just back of the head) and it shows shoulder, elbow and fingers. 

9 months and 2 weeks later...

It has been 9 months and 2 weeks since my precious baby David took his last breath, in my arms. I wish I could tell all of you that it's gotten easier. But that would be a bold faced lie. I can tell you that some days are easier. Then some days feel like the worst day ever. Quite a bit has happened in these past 9 months. Many blessings, bestowed on us by the Lord and many struggles. Emotional struggles. But amazing blessings.

Not to long after we lost David my husband got on at the factory Honda. A much better job than what he had. That in itself was a blessing. Six months later we received 3 blessings in one week. My husband received a promotion at Honda, (awesome!), he was also promoted to Associate Pastor at our church (double awesome!) and we found out that we were in fact pregnant. (Surprise!).

I am almost 5 months pregnant. (19 weeks 4 days). But I remember that day we found out, like it was yesterday. My husband and I were not trying to conceive. In fact we were trying NOT to conceive. Because of certain reasons I was not allowed different forms of birth control. My doctor informed me that I could not take the pill because it would coincide with my blood pressure medicine. She did not want to do the ring because of my recent c- section incision. And the shot, there was a reason I was not supposed to take the shot but I can't remember the reason anymore! So when I asked her what type of birth control I should use she said, condoms. However she wanted me to wait 9 months to conceive again. And I thought to myself, yea ok, with condoms? I don't think that will happen. and I was right. Well honestly, and this baby is proof, condoms aren't always effective. I am quite ok with the fact that they failed in this circumstance!

It was Father's Day. I had a hunch that I might be pregnant. I missed my period, and it had been stable for the past 5 months. So I waited a few days. Father's Day morning I got up early with my husband. I told him whatever happens, happens. And I took the tests, 2 tests. 3 very long minutes later we walked into the bathroom together, I took a deep breath and looked at the tests. My husband said, it's negative isn't it? Oh well that's ok. and I said, no, they are both positive. and showed him. I was in utter shock. But so very excited.  And so was he. I took the test, in a plastic baggie of course, and stuck it in my Dad's father's day card. We had already told my mom because she knew I was taking the test and was very anxious to know the answer. It took her all that was in her not to tell my dad! My brother also knew and both were very anxious for me to get to their house and give my dad his card.

He was ironing when we got there, I handed him his card and he said thanks. We had to wait patiently for him to get done ironing, finally I said open it dad! and when it did out fell the pregnancy test. He couldn't read it but assumed what it meant. Everyone was so excited. It was the best father's day ever (and I'm not a father!)

However, I do not want people to mistake my excitement for this baby as me being completely over my grief  about losing David. I am far from "over" my grief. I will never fully be "over" my grief. And this baby does not replace my David. However, just because I'm grieving David doesn't mean I can't be excited for this baby in the midst of that grief. And I am. I cherish everything having to do with this baby. Not to mention I am super nervous. So I ask if you are reading this to please say a prayer for me and my family and this baby. I am believing the best. And I know the Lord has given us this child. Just as he gave us David. For a reason.