Not normal

During these past couple of months of grief I have talked to many people. People who love me that don't know what to say, who say whatever comes to their mind in order to offer up some sort of comfort to me. I appreciate most of the words people give me. It's not an easy situation to lose anyone let alone a child, no one ever knows what to say. And nothing anyone says helps much.

There is one thing though that I hate hearing. I have had a few people tell me this themselves or tell me others have told them this. I hate hearing this sentence. And when I do hear it I just plaster on my forced smile and nodd. Although inside I am seething. I can feel my blood boiling and my heart feel as though it's going to explode. The sentence is this.

"If David had lived he wouldn't have been normal."

First of all I hate hearing this from people especially people who never even met my David. In that simple little sentence I hear alot of implications. Ones I'm sure that are not meant to be implied. However, even if my sweet David had not been normal, so what?

I have seen many stories of babies that were alot smaller and worse off than David and they survived. They are normal. So what is so different about David's case?

Even if he hadn't have been normal my love for that sweet baby boy would not have changed. My heart would still have been filled with pride and joy.

The reason I hate that sentence is because it feels as though it's implying if David hadn't had been normal then I wouldn't have wanted him. That is so far from the truth it makes me cry.

I wanted David. I wanted him more than anything. I waited for him. I ached to hold him. It wouldn't have mattered if there was nothing wrong with him. or if there was a whole list of things wrong with him. I loved him anyway.

I wanted him.

Normal or not. I created him. My husband and I created him.

No matter what my heart will always ache for sweet David Everett.