The Lord is oh so funny

I have been struggling quite a bit with bitterness.

I feel bitterness when I see a person with a newborn baby.

I think Lord why did they get to keep their baby and I had to watch mine die?

I feel bitterness when I see a pregnant person whether I know them or not.

I feel bitterness when I hear of (yet another) person becoming pregnant.

Because me - I have to wait yet again.

It's not that I like to be bitter.

It's not that I'm a bitter person.

Normally I'm a loving, caring, understanding, joyful, person.

But when it comes to hearing about people, especially in certain circumstances that I think are completely rediculous, having babies, I feel bitterness rising up inside me.

I don't like to feel bitter.

Nor do I like most everyone telling me that it's ok, David's in heaven, I'll have more babies, I can't be upset, blah blah blah.

Only a select few truly understand how extremely difficult this is on me.

Only a select few know that I don't want to hear (yet again) that David is in heaven.

I know he's in heaven, I want him here with me.

They know I don't want to hear for the uptenth time that I'll have more babies.

They know I don't want hear it's all going to be ok and for them to list the many reasons WHY it will be ok.

Because I don't feel ok.

So lately I've been feeling bitterness.

I don't want to be bitter towards anyone, so during my personal time this morning while I was praying, I asked the Lord to please help me not to be bitter towards people who are pregnant or that have newborns.

A few hours later my mom texted me and told me one of my friends is pregnant (again).

O the Lord works in funny ways. He knows I don't want to and can't be bitter towards any friends of mine, it's so much harder to be bitter about someone's situation when you love them. lol.

Soo, of course I'm happy for them. Does it make me a little bit sadder about my situation? Absolutely. However, the Lord is slowly helping me work through my bitterness.

And of course like the Lord always does, he's doing it in a way I did not expect.