Unplaceable Blame

As a mother, when I lost David, I lost a part of me. my son was a part of me that no other person could fill. Not even my husband. The love I feel for David is extraordinary, only a parent could understand. So of course as a mother when I lost my baby the first thing I wanted to do was put the blame on someone. First I thought about blaming God, I was mad enough. however I know that the Lord doesn't do things to us, he may allow things to happen, but that's not the same thing. Then I started blaming myself. I was his mom. I felt as though I should have been able to protect him. But that blame didn't fit there either. Then I wanted to blame the doctors and nurses. Did they take him off of antibiotics too soon? I mean he got the infection the day after they took him off. But I knew even if I did blame the doctors and nurses it wouldn't make me feel any better. It also didn't feel right because Good Sam was so good to us and I truely believe they did all they could to save my son. So there I am. Stuck with this unplaceable blame. Sorta like one of those toddler toys where you put the shapes in the correct hole. However, I am stuck with a shape with no matching hole. But that is ok. Because I truely believe that placing blame somewhere will not help me heal.